When you hear the word, friend, you probably conjure up a certain definition, or you may even specifically think of a certain individual acquaintance of yours. In these days of social media prevalence, the word friend has come to include relationships which in many cases are only digital or online, and some people have hundreds of “friends” they wouldn’t know if they met them on the street. I have heard this same word used in anger, “let me tell you something, friend”. But for the purpose of this article, my use of the word, friend will be limited to the understanding I grew up with.

Webster defines friend as one attached to another by affection or esteem. I recently asked a couple of family members to give me their definition of friend. One said a friend is someone who would give, truly expecting nothing in return. The other said a friend is someone I would enjoy spending a holiday weekend with. My definition? A friend is the guy I could or would call at three in the morning if I needed help, or from whom I would expect the same call. There are many people I would describe as friends, but in this truest sense of the word, the number is quite small.

In those moments when we are introspective and being completely honest with our self, I think all of us have areas of our lives where we feel odd, different, or maybe even a little weird. We have thoughts or opinions we would not share with most people, but we do feel free doing so with a true friend. We know ahead of time that even if we share those secret thoughts, they will not think less of us, even if they completely disagree.

Religious beliefs aside, many people regard the book of Proverbs as being a great source of wisdom, and Proverbs 18:24 states that “one who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother”. When I was growing up, my brother who is four years younger than me, seemingly had a gift for getting into scrapes with the two boys who lived next door. Even when I disagreed with my brother, I would come to his defense 100% of the time. Therefore, when I read the words, “there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother”, it makes a strong statement to me. So I ask myself, how many “friends” do I have? How many do you have?

True friendship is a precious commodity, and something to be closely guarded. I have come to believe if you have two or three true friends, you are rich indeed. What do you think? Have a great week!

All this week I’ve been thinking about friendship and making notes on the topic, but when it came time to sit down and put it together, I couldn’t get another topic off my mind. Back in 2011, I ran across an article originally posted to the National Catholic Register by a former columnist there, Pat Archbold. He titled the article, The Death of Pretty. You can retrieve his article and read the entire text, but as I understood it, his premise was that over the last few decades, our culture has come to place a high value on women being “hot”, as opposed to being pretty.
Archbold offered his definition of “pretty”, which he described as a balance between beauty and innocence. Upon further reflection, I recognize what a verbal mine field this topic can be, and perhaps even trying to broach this subject as a man, is a mistake. Still I think there is something here that we should all think about, but especially us men. Body image is a huge issue and it always has been. In his article, Archbold made a huge deal of saying that “back when”, women largely attempted to project an image of innocence and that this projection, genuine or not, motivated men to act more nobly toward them as opposed to viewing women as a commodity to be consumed.
It would be disgusting to proffer that men who behave in an inappropriate manner toward women, or who view women merely as sexual objects to be consumed, may have their bad behavior excused based on their perception of a woman’s appearance. We see this in other cultures where western women are demeaned, or worse, merely for appearing in public unaccompanied, or with their head uncovered. Closer to home I have heard it said of rape victims right here in the buckle of the Bible belt, “what did she expect, did you see how she was dressed?” Oh, really? So men, are we not responsible for our own behavior? Surely we are better than that.
I would agree with Archbold in this; the pursuit of “hotness” is not a step in the right direction, but the point I would hope we could all take away from my little tap dance around this topic is this. The value of a human being is God given, and not determined by societal whims regarding their appearance. Pretty, beautiful, hot, handsome, etc., are words used to describe others, but which have nothing to do with really defining someone. Something I have noticed over the course of my life is that as I get to know people, they sometimes seem to become more or less attractive to me, based on what I learn about them as a person, about their character.
Have a great week.