According to Suzanne Pish of Michigan State University, a strong family finds that opportunities for quality time emerge from quantity time. I could not agree more. For many years I have heard busy parents make this statement; “I may not spend a lot of time with my children, but I make sure the time we do have is quality time”. To which I reply; quantity time IS quality time. But I don’t want to get hung up debating quantity versus quality; I simply want to make the case that family time is a critical part of raising self assured, self confident, well adjusted children.

So what do I mean by family time? My wife uses a phrase I really like when describing our relationship with very close friends – “doing life together”. In families, this phrase encompasses activities like eating meals together, reviewing the day, or the last few days, jointly celebrating the highs and helping bear the weight of the lows, working together, playing together, and praying together. I have known some families who designate an evening regularly as family game night. In our family, the best times are what I refer to as “down time” – times when no activity has to be planned in advance and you just hang out together. Some of my favorite times and best memories are from the spontaneous little games or activities that happen when our family is just spending time together. Notice the key condition here is together, and the key component is time.

We parents sometimes trip ourselves up trying to create special memories when we plan overly expensive, overly demanding and overly complex vacations. A few years ago, we were having a casual meal at home and talking with our three adult children, about some of the things we had done and trips we had taken as a family. We have never lived an extravagant lifestyle, but we did take some pretty cool trips when the kids were young. I asked them to tell me about one of their best memories from things we did together during childhood. To my surprise, all three said their best memories were camping trips we had taken to Fall Creek Falls State Park, less than and hour and a half from our home! As I reflected on this, it made sense – complicated / expensive vacations can tend to be stressful. Large crowds, busy schedules, and long distance travel, whether you are driving or flying can all combine to leave you feeling a little tired and stressed when you return home (here is a tip – include a free day at home in your plans when you return from a big trip). Our camping trips were just the opposite – no set schedule, casual easy meals, and lots of time in the evenings around the campfire, just enjoying being TOGETHER.

One of my intents for these weekly missives is to include a faith component in my writing. So how would faith play into my opinion about the importance of family time?  From a Q&A session on James Dobson’s Focus on the Family website:

Is there really any scriptural basis for “focusing on the family”? Especially when Jesus says in his own words to “hate” my family. Good question you say. Answer: In Matthew 12:46-50 or Luke 14:26, Jesus did NOT say, “the church trumps the family system”. As a matter of fact, such an interpretation of His words can be dangerously misapplied. A great deal of damage has been inflicted on spouses and children through over-commitment to church programs and activities. The site goes on to respond, and I agree, that the proper understanding of Jesus’s words were that our love and devotion to Him should be so strong that all other attractions look like hate in comparison.

So I’m very comfortable in my assertion that my favorite TV shows lead character (Frank Reagan of Blue Bloods) has it right when he says, “family first”.

I’ll wrap up this week by sharing a personal story. This past week Pam and I went to the beach with family. I don’t know how it came to be, but my family loves going to the beach. Personally I was blessed with skin that sunburns even when hiding under whatever temporary shelter we haul to the beach. Not to mention the sand! How is it that beach sand ends up everywhere it should not be? But my family loves it, and I love watching them enjoy it. Before I sound all self-sacrificing here, how bad can it be when I’m watching one granddaughter experience the thrill of jumping into the pool, and learn about sand dollars, and the other one dancing down the beach singing a song only she knows the words to. Oh, and I did play golf twice with my sons, and enjoyed lots of fresh seafood, so no complaints here – actually it was pretty awesome.

So, how about some family time for your family? It really is important. Commit to it, or re-commit to it. Take it from a granddad – it’s worth whatever it takes. Go make some memories – throw some dogs on the grill or get the family around the fire in your backyard.

I’d love to hear your stories, or respond to any questions you may have.