KONICA MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERA

Come on Man!

I know all you fellow Polk County News readers, like me, were thrilled
to hear that the Newspaper is back in publication. I have sorely missed it, and want to express my sincere appreciation to Candyce and Walter Bates for having the courage and commitment to take the necessary steps to bring back our paper.

For the past three years I have had the honor of working as the School Counselor at Chilhowee Middle School. Through that work I met Mrs. Bates who has given me the opportunity to contribute to the Newspaper. It seemed appropriate in this first article to briefly introduce myself. I grew up in rural North Alabama just outside Huntsville. In 1979 I graduated from the University of Alabama at Huntsville where I met a member of the women’s basketball team, Pam German. We were married the following year and moved to Chattanooga where we lived and worked for 31 years raising three children. In the fall of 2011 we moved to Polk County. Most of my career was spent in Information Technology until I felt compelled at the youthful age of 52 to return to school and earn a Masters
Degree in Counseling, thus setting in motion the process that brought me to work in the local Middle School these past three years. So now that you have a general idea who will be writing this article, perhaps you would like to know about what I intend to write. I have strong feelings about and enjoy writing on issues related to Faith and Family. Additionally I am associated with a Men’s Ministry called The Journey Ministries (www.thejourneyministries.com), so I will also write about Men’s issues. Occasionally I will just write about whatever happens to be on my mind that week. Deep breath…

So how ‘bout these men? Since I have 63 years of experience being one, this is a subject area on which I feel abundantly qualified to ruminate. For many years now I have watched in dismay the devastating impact of absentee fathers on their children. I am not a statistician – far from it; however, you do not have to be to see this. But statistically, fatherless children struggle. Any report or book you care to read on the topic bears out this fact.
Consider these numbers:
– 63% of youth suicides come from fatherless homes – 5 times the average
– 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes – 32 times the average
– 85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average. (Center for Disease Control)
– 80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes –14 times the average. (Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26)
– 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average. (National Principals Association Report)
– 75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes – 10 times the average

Get the picture? I could go on and on and on, but the purpose of my little rant today is not to quote depressing numbers. The purpose of this writing is to remind you that you are not a statistic. You are a person, an individual, with choices in front of you. If you are that absentee father, you have choices about whether you will continue allowing your children to grow up without your involvement. I want to encourage you to take a chance, and reach out to your children. They are amazingly forgiving, and there is a richness to life you have been missing out on. I am not as naïve as you may think. I realize there are situations and circumstances that may make it extremely difficult for you to have constant contact with your children. But I also know it is worth the effort – worth the sacrifice. Children simply do better when allowed to have a great relationship with both parents.

If you are that fatherless child, or were one, you have choices about whether to allow life’s disappointments to make you bitter, or to rise above your circumstance. Remember, you are not a statistic unless you choose that path. I have known men and women who have in fact chosen to defy the odds and refuse to just be another depressing statistic. Granted, these are the outliers, the exceptions but their situations were as bad as you can imagine. They are individuals who have grown up with absentee or even abusive fathers who somehow found the inner strength to succeed in spite of it all. As a counselor, when I meet with young people who live in less than ideal circumstances, these are the stories I tell. I try to instill hope and convince young people who deep inside believe they will never be good at anything that they can indeed “make it” and that they do indeed have what it takes to be a responsible and ultimately successful adult.